Guilt in Self and Healthy Relationships

Shame can influence your entire life. This can leave you with a sense of not being good enough or inadequate. A person that experiences shame often will have a desire to control. This is often brought on by a drive for safety and respect. Since one has no control over shameful experiences of one’s life, one may have a desire to make sure their life will be free from unconstrained behavior and surprise, which could bring on a shameful experience. The one, which truly suffers, is the individual. Many times when one becomes aware of one’s shame, they may tend to rebuke; belittle; or have unmercifully acts.

Today humans see shame as a guilt that comes when one violates the law. Shame is the sense that one is not good enough and that one must cover up oneself so no one else will be able to detect the truth about one and dismiss one.

Shame goes back as far as Adam and Eve. One’s first experience with shame may be the effect of being exposed, or for having one’s inner being revealed to the world. Many humans have created a false self. To escape, one might hide the real person inside, believing it to be very weak silly or despising worthless.

Shame is considered to be a secret emotion that can cripple one’s inner being. One often hides shame from others they interact with, even one. When humans try to hide shame, they tend to fall back into the trap of control. One must live on guard at all times to keep from being exposed of one’s shame.


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Some may consider shame to be a family inheritance, because it is a secret sin that nothing can be done to work it out. Secrets such as adultery; drug abuse; illnesses; alcoholism or abandonment may cause one shame. You probably been told many times by your parents that these things are considered “no talk situations”. In other words, it was best to keep these topics secretly hidden from others. Shame has often been buried deep inside one’s soul, bounding the individual by the power it has.

Parents who are often filled with shame them are usually unable to give their children a feeling of worth they deserve. In fact, some parents want their children to confirm them. Shame is generally passed on from one generation to the next.

Has your life been marked by a desperate sense of striving and continuous trying to prove oneself? When one experiences the need to apologize for their existence, or for their worth, they become known as rescuers. In this case, woman meets man who needs to be helped, and continues to spend the rest of one’s life trying to straighten one’s problem out. It could range from alcohol drugs or financial difficulties.

To add to the many causes women may experience with shame is poor body image. It seems that women today suffer from tremendous pressure brought on by the society being so obsessed with physical perfection. Shame often prevents women from accepting new challenges in life, for the fear of being exposed. Many women compare their bodies to movie stars, instead of other ordinary women in today’s society. There are no wonder women having such a problem with the interpersonal and personal development of one’s being.

Addictions are a result of shame. When one opens the door in a household to discuss addictions, they are opening the door to shame. The victim will never be freed until one deal with the root of the problem. Rage is often a cover up to protect the one’s you love and to project the blame onto others. Criticism and blame are often sources of one’s blame.

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